my abusive r/s

The truth that i had concealed ..... my abusive relationship.






Back in 2006, i was tending a cartshop in cineleisure during my end of year holiday.
Customers flooded in and out, and of course at that era there was a lot of " ah bengs" who would pester you for your number.


He and his friend came to my store one day, with the intention of checking me out. Based on his friend's source i was young and pretty and i ALWAYS wear short skirt.


But he was disappointed that day, because i was quite covered up.
They made small talk with me, and since it was his friend's birthday He purchased a necklace from my shop as a gift to him.


Prior to paying up, he noticed the heart-shaped anklet i had on. He enquired about it, but it was a gift from someone very close to me, not something from my shop.


He seemed very sincere and interested to buy it for his gf, so i decided to be nice and asked him to leave his number so that once i found a similar piece i will notify him.


We started smsing each other, every now and then. He talked about his gf, and I mentioned about mine.
Both of us were in a very blissful relationship, so it was really only pure friendship at that time.


One month later, i had managed to found the anklet. I messaged him straight away.
He told me to hold on to it, without any explanation .
Later @ night, he admitted to me his beloved grandma had passed away and his gf has went back to her hometown and she lost contact with him.


I tried to cheer him up, and positively convinced him that things will be alright soon.


I was right. One week later , his gf came back to singapore . He forgave her, everything was back to usual . Both of us made no indication of the anklet. Later then, I decided to keep the identical anklet to myself. We ceased contact.......................


Soon, i was back to school. He had broke up with his girlfriend around that period. I learnt about it he messaged me one fine day. We started to communicate frequently, he was a good listener to me , I grew closer to him but it was always smsing/talking on the phone, never one step further.

Fatefully, my bf abandoned me in singapore with no prior warnings. I was lost and hurt wen i couldn't contact him. When i finally had news of him, it was already few weeks later. I already assumed we had broken up.

I dont know how come fate like to play with me. When my boyfriend lost contact with me, I was so devastated that I didnt contact him at all, and coincidentally he changed phone number at that time and therefore we lost contact, for good.

I was helpless and lonely because i lost a bf and a friend at the same time.


I tried everything in my means to contact him back , but all my effort gone wasted because he wasn't working in the same shop anymore, quited just timely few days beforehand.
We do not have any common friends at all, other than knowing his name, I got no other leads. I gave up.


Before i knew it, months had passed and it was already mid year. On 050607 i managed to convinced my gf, xiaoling to partyworld to countdown to her bday 060607. It was that moment we stepped in, i spotted him with a girl singing in the hall.

Like I was saying fate like to play with me. He dont stay in north part of singapore and that was their first try of singing in the hall. It so happen to be that day that I desperately feels like singing songs so much I managed to convince my dear girl to countdown her birthday in a KTV room.


I still remember that moment. I was shocked, surprised and happy. For no valid reasons, my heart started to beat wildly, i was excited but scared at the same time for the fear I had mistaken identity, because I only saw his back view.
However, my intuition already told me its him. I was never so sure of anything so much before.
Xiaoling approached him to confirm that it was him before I went out to have a little chat.
He seemed shocked but other than that , nothing else. We never had anything more than just pure friendship but why was I so excited that time? I had no idea too.

I waited for his message for two days, it was only the third night he replied and apologised. He said that was his ex gf in the hall with him that day.
We started catching up like old friends. This time round we went out, for movie, for K session etc etc.


Very soon i realised i developed feelings for him.
I dropped hints, but he didnt guess it.


Then one fine day i went to his house to watch DVDs together, as it was getting late, he asked me to stay over. Yes the expected happened.
We kissed , we hugged. But nothing more.
He was a real gentleman he gave up his bed to me .
Nothing happen that night.


It was the next day, he took my  first*
Perhaps i invited this upon myself, it was my fault to go up his house.


He avoided this topic for days. He seemed very reluctant to commit to me. I did not force him. I started to woo him then. It was only now that I looked back I laughed at myself. Come on jvnne, i was too innocent at that time to know that most guys dont preached fidelity, not even mention the fact that he is single, available and very charming. Countless girls must have thrown themselves at him before.

I was so stupid and naive that I thought he was going to take responsibility. I waited waited, hinted and hinted and i guessed that I was just a fool. I decided to take actions myself. I started to woo him.

Love letters, herbal tea, breakfast............ even during that time , he and his gf had not draw a very clear line.
This I know, and which I also ignored. I was stubborn and a firm believer that nothing is impossible with a heart and determination and brain. ( Till now, I am still like this )


That ex-gf of his? She had tried to commit suicide, quite a few times. At one time , it had involved the police. I gave him some time to keep her accompany and stablise her state of mind. What i never thought was why did she loved him this much, why she had wanted to suicide even after breakup of nearly 5 months? But now i truely understand, because after one year plus, he still haunts me. Anything that bring up his memories of him , wells up my tear and ache my heart.


Afterwhich, he treated me like a gf even though he was really really reluctant to commit to any status. I was fine with it. Yes, I know, how stupid can i get?
It was only end of aug that i know, he was involved with another girl, thats why he canot make any commitment on my side.
Surprise , surprise? You would have guess it was his ex gf? Well no, it was another girl.
I didn't know how he managed to juggle the three of us. But he had managed to pull it off, sleek and clean, with three of us none the wiser. I guessed if he did not confessed to me himself, maybe I will be in the dark for an even longer period.


Of course,I was surprised, speechless and shocked. This was the guy I trusted so much, and I liked so much, but he was able to act and lie with no feelings of guilt. This guy is smooth player.
I wanted to leave him right there and then. I wanted him out of my sights forever and ever and ever.
I had spent two months wooing a guy that was already attached.
I was the third party, ignorant , foolish  but still sinned.


That moment when I hated him so much that i feel like slapping him, he hugged me. That hug was not the reason why i forgave him It was those words that came out of his mouth , sweet and fatal.
He told me he had never love her and that he was only with her because she was ill, something about a weak heart. She apparently loved him so much that she had left her eight years standing r/s for him.

He wiped my tears, he promised me that he will leave her, and he will be my one and only .

I was young, and i was confused. He, thou i love,  was also the guy that had involved me in a triangle r/s .
I started to cry, he cried along with me, emphasising on the fact that he cant lose me now, he will dumped her right away.

Never had I known at that time, when a guys cheat on you one time, most probably be ready to expect a second time. Never did I noticed that he treat r/s like a child's play whereby he dumped her just like that, no emotions wasted.


If I had known a guy like that was a big NO, maybe i would have think twice about it.


We were together on that day........


I dont remember any events on our first two months because relationship had been smooth? I was practically staying with him and because of this, i destroyed my relationship with my family.

My parents are very strict and traditional. Because of him, I nearly severed my family ties whereby these are the people who really care, who really will stand by me no matter what comes may.


My mum was devastated. But i was too selfish to care about her. In my eyes, he had filled my entire world, without him i cant live, i cant breath . For someone so young, my love was so big. I was 100% dependant on him emotionally.

It was that time when I learned about love. Love is such a miracle that it will make you place your loved ones ahead of yourself. Whatever he wanted or needed, i will buy it for him first. I stopped shopping for myself entirely. Because when u love, u wanted to give him the best of everything. We were so happy, or so i assumed that I must be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.


We may disagree on certain topics, but our disagreement never grow physically.


It was the third month, that things started to go hay-wired.


I still remembered the first time it had happened very clearly.


I had forgotton what we were arguing about , but we were @ plaza sing. Halfway through arguing, I had enough I was so angry that i threw down my bag and walked away.


Take note it was my bag with my cash, hand phone and everything else. I have no means of communication or ways to get home. I had reacted without thinking, but at that moment I was hurt, angry and disappointed.


He picked my bag, and he chased after me. I thought i had won, the fact that he gave in to me because he must had really love me, so I gave in. I was pacified so easily.


Little did I know that he did not want to make a big fuss in a shopping mall and that was why he swallow his pride to chase after me and he was building up his anger on the ride back home

When we were reaching his house, he exploded. We argued again and i started to walk away.


Guess what? No, he did not chase after me this time. HE threw the bottles hurling towards my direction. The first one missed, second one missed and the third one BINGO! right into my head. I cried out in pain.


Everyone stared in our direction. He then grabbed my arm and pulled me into the lift. Once the lift door close, it was my nightmare.

He pressed level 12. It was those old- fashioned lift whereby there was no window and it only travel to level 6 and level 12.


He slapped me, and kicked me in the tummy. I fell back onto my butt. I started screaming like crazy. He covered my mouth with his hand. I bited it. He was so furious, that he started grabbing my head and banging it repeatedly towards the wall.


Yes its not ceramic, thank god, if not i would have been dead by now? It was still painful. But u know what he said, he said dont lie to me, its not that painful. HOW CAN U FEEL NO PAIN WHEN YOU ARE FORCEFULLY GRABBED AND BANGED AGAINST THE WALL?
The nightmare only ended until i tore my mouth with blood. When he saw the blood, He stopped.


I was sobbing, i was crying, i was too scared of him to make any refusal when he dragged me towards his house back to his room.
I should have run away in another direction screaming for help or wake his parents up, but I did not.


I was so afraid that i crawled up to the corner when i reached his room and hide myself in my arms and knees wishing that everything was just a bad bad dream, or that maybe he wont noticed me. I was shivering my mad, I couldn't stop sobbing. It was first time in my life I felt that I am threatened.
Why didn't i picked up martial arts when I was young instead of dancing/ sports which was no help at all.



I saw him walked towards me. I closed my eyes and I tried to plan my next step. I heard his footsteps nearing, I prepared to scream..........but his blows didnt come. I looked up, i saw him crying, apologising furiously. He wiped my blood and pleaded with me to forgive him. He said he didnt know what came after him, he said that he lost control. He was in pain seeing that I was hurt, he made promises never to do that again.
I forgave....... of course, if not I wont have story to tell now right.



To the ladies, when a guy can hit you, this guy is not worth your love.
Unless you enjoy being beaten up, I suggest to you girls , leave him at once. I know tat faith and love can change a person. I assumed that I can changed him too. If you are stubborn as a mule, continue reading then......

The second big fight that can matched up to the first, happened outside again. ( *Noted that I mentioned big fight because apparently he hit me on occasional basis but Im so used to his blows that Im half immuned to it )

 It was after he accompanied me to one of my lingerie themed photo shoot.
We were short on money that's why i agreed to shoot. I didn't told him that though. I let him assumed it was me interested in working with that photographer.

I had led him into believing that i knew the photographer but in fact I didn't. Yes i lied. But I really don't know how to tell him that I don't want him to pass me money. Being the lousy liar, he obviously saw through my lies. I tried to explain but he walked away. I chased him for 30 minutes. I lost him i gave up and took a cab home.
Halfway he called he scolded me with profanities,and that he initiated a break up. I was hurt but i loved him too much, I went back to look for him.
I was really digging my own grave but i never expected him to hit me in the public.  He grabbed me, and hit me while we were walking. By then, the physical pain each blows caused me was ant's bite compared to the emotional pain I was going through. I cried and cried louder because i wanted to attract attention , i wanted him to stop when he realised people were looking. Wrong method though, he just grow angrier.


He pulled me back to the housing estate area, which were quite deserted. He kicked , punched, any space that he can land on me. By then I already learned how to fight back, I tried to punch and kick him too. It evoked him even further, but i felt better. Of course I was rained with harder blows but I felt better. In a way that I tried to defend myself. I think I sound crazy here, but I was probably crazy then.

It was until I could not take it anymore.
I told him i wanted to go home, back to my own home, that we will cool off for a period. While i walked away to take a cab, He kicked behind my knee, I fell again.


Angry, i pulled myself up. I was determined to get home. By then I had learn crying doesn't help. It only fumed that monster up even more. Yes i called him a monster, I hate him for abusing me, but yet at the same time I cant live without him.


I flagged a cab, and he got in with me. I decided to stay mute to avoid any further arguments. He tried to talk to me, but i refused to faced him. He pinched me, he grabbed me by my neck. Even in the cab, he managed to terrorise me.  No, the uncle was too scared to do anything.
He dropped me off. It was our first separation after staying with him for 2 months. I felt lost but I didnt dare to go home with bruises. I loitered in my neighbourhood for few hours calming down and finally giving him a call,


We managed to patch it up again. The next day,the bruises were showing. I looked hideous.
The biggest one was the one when he kick me behind my knee, the back of my thigh. The size of that blue black? It was bigger than my palm. Yes thats right.

I cant hide in his room until my bruises healed, I did what every woman in a abusive relationship do. I lied for him. I told my friends, my parents and his parents that i rolled off two flights of staircase. They bought it, though i think his parents had suspected something, because his last two relationship , his ex-gfs had suffered the same fate as me.


When we were on good terms, i asked him how come he hit me, so harsh and so often. He said I abused my ex-girlfriends before, but they did nt made as huge a fuss as you. He said that they will either sobbed quietly until he finished venting out his anger or walked away. I was the one that invited the huge fight upon myself because I will cry very loud and always attempt to hit him back too.

I had asked him, how come you think it was right to hit your girlfriend. He answered because long ago when he was young, His sister was in an abusive relationship also. When the guy hit his sister, he wanted to help but he was thrown into one corner.


I was flabbergasted, this guy that i loved so much watched his sister being hit being in pain.But he grew up into an abusive guy? It was a very sick sense of logic, but it was true. Those who grown up in a abusive family often grow into a abusive person too. It was a vicious cycle.


I asked him then, didnt they report to police? He said that the police didnt bother just gave him warning calls.


I wanted to help him right then. But i have no idea how to. He promised not to hit me again.
I believed him, again.


I didnt realise that this outbursts of fights, and me being the victim had started to kill me bits by bits.


I became very erratic at times, i was very sensitive and emotional.
He thought i was crazy , that i think too much. But its only that i am writing this now i understood why had i transformed from the strong, cheerful girl, to someone i dont recognise at all . You know even till now, i dont smile happily? I dont laugh with my teeth anymore.
Even though this matter had passed for 132345432 yrs ago, Im still having insomnia at times, I'll still be woken up by nightmare at times.


Small little things can set me off. Like if he sent sms to a girl, or the fact that he dont want to go out with me after work makes me unhappy, makes me assumed that he didnt love me at all.


Both of us didnt realised that I was so affected i slowly fell into depression.
Times when he hit me again, or when we argued. I will swallow panadols or threaten to suicide or cut myself. He always managed to stop me.


I started to sleep a lot, eat alot and cry a lot.
I grew fat and then low confidence in myself, this was yet another blow to me.
I shut myself up , refuse to go out , refuse to meet any friends.


I felt that his mother always find faults with me, even if there's one strand of hair on the floor she will blamed me.
I shut myself deeper, deeper and deeper.
It was that fateful night that things take another turn.............
We quarrelled, yet again. Over the remote control if Im not wrong.


He dared me to slap him. I did.
He punched me.


He dared me to slap him again. I did, three tight slaps .
He outburst. He threw me onto his bed and started to hit my head. I cried out, very very very loud.
His mum came in. She saw me sprawled across the bed crying , messed up hair and dress.
She saw him fuming, but you know what?The first thing she said was to chase me out of house.
I was so alarmed, because no matter what happen, even if he killed me, i think she will protect him. I wasn't her daughter i was just a stranger.


I screamed that he was the one hitting me, before i finish my sentence.
He lounged for me again. His dad came in, they almost had a fight too. In the midst of everything, his mum begged me to leave, because i was the reason for causing the fight?
I agreed and i said i'll pack my things.


I guessed i was so immune to him hitting me, thn i didn't notice my physical pain.
But my heart was screaming in pain, not because he hurt me for the 1346327 times, but because im leaving him. Thats was why it's so dangerous to love someone more than yourself. You dont see his flaws, you only wanted him to love you.


I sobbed as i packed and i asked for a goodbye hug. As he hug me, he started crying too.
He said he was sorry he did not purposely meant to hurt me, but i argued with him and he couldn't control.
He said if i leave, he will leave with me too.


I went back home that night, with my luggage.


My family was so glad that i was back. I begged my mum to let him moved in with us, coming up with the excuse that his house was renovating and we will move out in two month's time. She bought the story.


We moved in, i started to feel the warmth of my family, and i started to drift away from him.
Maybe because of my family's love and concerb, my mind subconsciously told me that I could not continue a relationship like this.


(Just recently, we talked about what happen during the later part of our relationship. He said that he only remembered that when he moved into my house, I ignored him almost every night , which i didn't realise I did. At night after dinner I'll be absorbed in talking in my phone with my friends, reading my books or doing everything else except talking to him. Because we can argue over the most stupid thing. That's why the whole relationship he only can remember this part =.= you know when i heard this right, i really think i wasted my time with him seriously. )


We grew apart. There was some happenings in between which I dont want to mention because to protect his friend and him. Im just going to jump straight to the part whereby our final breakup fight.


I was jealous of his laptop because he spend so much time on it, more than to me. I guess some girls feel the same way I do? When your other half spends more time on his work, his family, his friends, or his laptop. I know we need to be very understanding and supportive but when it caused neglection towards me, I will be unhappy.
I flared up one night when he refused to acknowledged me, treating me like invisible air. We argued we fought. Guess who won?


I threatened to throw away his laptop and he grabbed me by my neck. I panicked, i almost couldnt breath. I grabbed him and bite his arm. He screamed and punched me at the side of my face. I refused to let go even though he kept on punching, the impact increasing after every failed attempt to loosen my bite. He wacked the arm i was biting straight onto my face. My teeth was knocked , my mouth, my lips were tore. I had a nose bleed and my ear was broken, it was BLACK in colour.


My parents ran in after hearing my screams. Even though i was covered in bruises everywhere, they talked to him, they wanted him to calm down first.


I wanted my dad to kill him right there and then. But my father, was never someone like that. He told him it was wrong to hit me, but of course both of us started pushing blame onto each other. That night, we really decided to break up. He packed up, intending to leave tomorrow..


I chickened out in the middle of night. I realised that even if he hit me throughout the rest of my life, i dont want him to leave me.  I dressed up and went out. I needed time away from him, to think about this whole complicated relatonship.


He saw me dressed up. but makd no move to stop me. My parents tried to dissuade me but i ran out. I waited and waited and waited in a corner downstairs, my tiny little heart still held hope that he love me and he would chase after me.


But i only saw my dad and mum running past my hiding hole, minutes later.


I knew i am really going to lose him. I went to find my friend for the night to think about this relationship. When i went back home, we argued yet again. He already took his luggage out and so i locked myself in my room.


I took out all our photos and photo by photo, burned them using his lighter. The ashes fell onto my bed. Fire started growing bigger and bigger in front of my eyes. I was dazed by its licking flames and dancing colours.


He told me they saw smoke coming out of my room and they knew something was not right. My mummy unlocked the door, and my dad straight away put out the fire with water and blanket. The damage was done, it was too late. I had already burnt half of the bed * it was king sized * in that short period of insanity.
My dad reprimanded me, something about the seriousness of starting a fire, but i couldn't hear a word.
He said i was crazy , I lashed out at him. He wanted to hit me again. My dad pulled him out to living room.


I cried and i said unkind words to spark him off. He threw a remote control at me in front of my whole family. My dad was furious but before daddy could stop both of us, i lounged at him, he pushed me with such a force that i slammed into the dining table and two chairs fall over.


( In case you are wondering. Yes, its like those gangstar movie when the fighters flew into the table and overturn everything )


It was then, my mum and dad asked him to leave. I think no matter how gracious my parents were, no matter how much they knew it love him and i need him, they had a limit too.


Of course stories doesn't end here, there were a lot of implications after this. We almost got back together again. However maybe i should be glad we didnt manage to patch things up in the end as it was so difficult with my parents and his side of parents objecting.


At that time, he met a new girl. They didnt last long, but he did not hurt her. I do not know about the other many relationship he has but i know none has lasted long, till today.


I didnt want to write this story out, to reveal my ugly past, to show the side of me that only few of my close friends know, but i wanted to warn you girls out there, because I know there are more abusive guys out there, and there will be victims like me.

I was very fortunate because I was able to leave him even though after I suffered under his blows for nearly two years.But i know that they are females out there, who are still suffering this moment as Im writing out this story to share.


If the guy hit you one time, he will do it another time.
Dont hesitate to leave him.


Out of 10 girls i know, at least 2 had abusive relationships before.


Leave before its too late.




P.S of course there were happy times, when he cheer me up, encourage me, love me.
       but this is just a journal of the horror that he do to me.
       Etched into my mind, forever and ever.

P.P.S i know there are many out there who had an even worse experience than mine, i had only wanted to share, not to gain symphathy .

P.P.S . Family are those who will STAY with you no matter what. Just like my family and his family. Protecting us no matter who is wrong who is right.


Happy Mother's Day ! I love you, mum :)

Thanks for pulling me back, I tried to have a relationship in these times but like what you said i wasn't suitable and i haven't forget him. Even now, i found more ugly truths about him, but im not going to spill. Everyone got his own reasons.  I will try to be the happy daughter you once had :D