im having serious insomnia, or i suspect that im actually a superpig which doesn't need any sleep at all.
i wanted to eat cold medicine, but i just ate detoxification pills, will they work well together?
damn it, if this continues i think im going to get depression.
how come when im with lawrence tia, i sleep almost 24hrs per day but i cant sleep now.
must be stress.
i hate stress.
laughs.
i seriously need sleep.
yeah, i dont think anyone knows alot about my ex-bf, lawrence tia.
bascially, his real name is not lawrence. his name is TSK. i think its not polite to mention his real name here.
anyway he calls himself lawrence, simply because its a player's name.
oh well.
yeah, he's a very good player.
he's very tall ( 1.82cm ) and sings very very well.
he's a babe magnet and he dances very well too.
he talks rubbish and he never fails to make people laugh.
yeah, I WAS THE ONE WHO CHASED HIM FOR FREAKING HELL TWO MONTHS BEFORE WE WERE TOGETHER =.="
it was my first time chasing a guy.
i was attracted to him simply because, he was NICE. yes, a very gentleman guy.
all his ex-girlfriends are damn PRETTY with HOT BODIES.
SO i guess im pretty pale in comparison?
anyway he never woo any of his girlfriends before, ever.
sigh.
the story that i knew him is pretty ironic, both of us are attached that time.
we lost contact for half a year before i saw him again. and we contacted back.
so thats when i fell in love with him.
i swear he was a very caring guy.
i couldn't deny that.
and he is REALLY A GUY who loves me even if im ugly and fat.
he fed me pretty well, i think i was like 60kg when im attached to him! can u imagine that?
but he loves me, no matter im skinny or fat.
and he is among the many of the guys- who prefer me without makeup.
and he thinks im very pretty. even though i dont think so.
He can cooks, we take turns cooking for each other :)
he was the first guy that met my parents :)
he brings laughter into my life :)
he tolerates when i really had depression.
i threatened to commit suicide when i argued with him- through alot of ways.
jumping down the building, cutting myself, drinking bleach.
yes i tried to do all that.
i think it drove him crazy, but i was mentally unstable, and he stuck with me through all that.
his friends told me he loved me alot.
i think he loved me alot too.
more than any of his ex. but our relationship was like a roller-coaster , too many ups and downs.
Due to some hiccups, we broke up.
yes, we are perfect for each other, and imperfect for each other.
i always thought i will marry him, because he was the one for me.
he's like my oxygen, i cant live without him.
thats when i become a burden to him, i guess?
i will not deny the fact that, i was most comfortable with him.
he knows me the best.
he's not judemental on me. he only praises me,but never critises me.
when im feeling inferior, he always boosts my confidence.
when im too full of myself, he'll bring me down.
tell me, which guy will really love me when i dont have an attractive appearance, which guy will not judge me if i grow fat, face full of pimples, etc.
only him,he does not judge me .
he knows when im lying, when im feeling happy or sad.
he knows what i like to eat, and what i hate to do.
he knows me from top to toe, back to front.
he understands me, like no one else.
i dont think even my own mother understands me that well.
i can face him with my true self, i dont have to lie or hide.
he tolerates my mistakes, my lies and my selfishness.
he'll be the guy i loved most.
i dont think i'll loved anyone more than him.
because im willing to give up my life for him.
im willing to forsake my family for him.
im willing to sacrifice everything for him.
but he broke my heart, again and again.
all those moments of happiness, of tears, of physical intimacy, of arguments, there're stored away in a special place in my heart and head.
you can never be replaced.
you'll be forever, forever.
but its all past now.
ive moved on:)
i hope you'll find a nice partner when you are once ready to settle down for a relationship.
treat her well :)
you're capable of it :)
this will be my last post mentioning you.
you've become my beautiful memory.
p.s. just now i freaked out for a moment.
i went to your facebook, thn realised that uve deleted our photos.
for a moment, i was really stunned.
and i started crying, crying non-stop.
i think in a small part of my heart, i really wanted u to keep my photos.
a small part of my heart wished that you'll tell your future girlfriends that u loved me the most.
a small part of my heart still hopes that u loved me.
s small part of my heart wished we were back tgt.
it will not be the last time i blogged about u.
ive written everything about u in white actually, but i guess, im not going to tell anyone....
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